Kim and Khloé Kardashian enter the fashion business, David Icke’s lizard people infiltrate reality TV and Rachel Maddow wins our heart.

By Stephanie MacDonald

Those cunning Kardashian sisters are so busy with huge fake weddings, huge pregnant bellies, and whatever it is Kim is up to, but they still have time to team up with Bebe to do a Kardashian-inspired line of slutty bar dresses. Amazing! I know some folks would say that they would be better teamed with Penningtons, but not me, I would never say that. In fact, Bebe, the low-rent version of Roberto Cavali, is just the perfect match for their spandex/cheetah print minidress aesthetic, and when Khloe has her baby, maybe she can introduce a line of slutty baby-wear — a market sorely underserved, even in L.A.

David Icke, 2008. Photo by Stefano Maffei/Wikimedia Commons, CC BY-SA 2.0.

Familiar with David Icke? He’s the fellow who makes millions of dollars writing books for insane people about how the powerful elite citizens of the world are actually lizards from space, but we can’t tell because they’re disguised as humans. Sort of like, I mean exactly like, that TV show V. Anyhow, the father of that poor Balloon Boy has turned out to be a devoted follower of David Icke, meaning the poor kid is worse off than we thought. The dad was evidently trying to trick the lizards that run the TV networks to make them rich with a reality show, by pretending to put their son in a UFO-shaped helium balloon, but you can’t fool a lizard! No, no, no, we’re, I mean, they’re, far too clever to fall for a clumsy human trick like that. Silly humans.

Hottest girl-crush of all time Rachel Maddow had this to say at The New Yorker conference: “I look like a dude. I wear boring jackets. I have a big nose. I have short hair. No one is going to mix me up with a Fox Business anchor.” Oh Rachel, just because you do not look indistinguishable from a porn star does not mean you are not hot.