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Art Bergmann hits back hard on new track featuring MC5’s Wayne Kramer

Art Bergmann’s new song Christo Fascists features the MC5’s Wayne Kramer. The track is from his upcoming album Late Stage Empire Dementia.

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Scurrilous Ephemera 02.10.09

Stephanie Birkitt photo

Stephanie Birkitt, alleged ‘Lettergirl’.

Scurrilous Ephemera – The David Letterman sex scandal

– by Stephanie MacDonald

– Oh Dave. We had such a great relationship, and now itís all awkward, like when someone you really have a great time hanging out with tries to kiss you, and youíre like, ďNoooooooÖ things were perfect the way they were, now itís weird.Ē I donít care what you do in your spare time, but please letís not talk about sex, please? It makes me very uncomfortable, because youíre like my dad and dads donít have sex. What? Iím not listening Iím not listening Iím not listeningÖ Anyways it was strange that you tried to make it funny, but in the end it kind of worked, I have to admit. You managed all the classic maneuvers fairly elegantly; first, longwinded set up with vague reference to ďvery bad things you didĒ because now people are thinking Oh God, what did he do? Molest a child? Murder someone? Then blame the scumbag extortionist and breathe a sigh of relief because the guy just got arrested. Happy ending! Probably the most difficult monologue ever, and you pulled it off. Anyways, I admit the girl, Stephanie Birkitts, is really cute, but please let this be the end of it, and good luck there with the wife situation, I hear a massive diamond sometimes works.

– One thing that is sort of sad and strange is the blackmailer, Joe Halderman, is a well-liked and respected photojournalist and a producer on 48 Hours. He wrote, produced and directed the very moving Three Days in September, about the Beslan School massacre in Russia, and heís reported from various war-torn locales and won numerous awards. Evidently heís in financial trouble and needed money for child support payments. It would be better if he was normally a sleazy criminal you could make fun of, certainly. [And I wonder what the nature of his evidence of “really bad things” consisted of – pictures? Video? Stained index cards?-ed.]

– Authentically horrible things: People see signs of the apocalypse everywhere – itís kind of an overused meme, but honestly, hopefully it will get here soon, because we donít want to live in a world where you might innocently turn on your TV or walk down the street and see monkeys dressed up like babies. Yes, I harbour an abiding fear and disgust of primates other than people, okay? (Except for those little teeny tiny marmosets that can go on your finger, they are okay). Seriously, what is wrong with people? Donít they know that one day those monkeys will grow up and rip them into little pieces and eat them? Hopefully humanity will band together and blatantly ignore this travesty and the non-existant ratings will ensure we do not have to endure Monkey Babies 5 – The Bitey, Masturbatory, Sullen Teenage Years.

My Monkey Baby photo

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