Michael Kissinger’s fashion advice
– by Michael Kissinger
Meggie J: Is it OK to rock more than one eye-popping accessory? ie. big hair bow and a bright coloured bag, or statement-making jacket and coloured skinny jeans.
I’m glad you asked, Meggie J. Eye-popping accessories are like the crystal meth of the fashion world. One hit feels great, but it’s easy to be overcome by an uncontrollable urge to do it more and more and before you know it you’re giving five-dollar gummers behind the Sizzler. Maybe that’s just me. I would strongly suggest treading softly on the eye-popping accessories. A big hair bow and bright coloured bag sound fine, provided they match. But a statement-making jacket and coloured skinny jeans don’t strike me as “accessories.” And don’t forget, the more eye-popping accessories you rock at one time, the less eye-popping the accessories become. Go easy, young warrior.
Bryan Basolo: Is it ever OK for a man to wear cap sleeved half shirt with cut-off jean shorts so short the pockets hang out the bottom?
You have painted an unfortunate image in my mind that I’m unable to erase. I can’t determine whether the issue you’re having is with cap sleeved half shirts or cut-off jean short shorts with pockets hanging out the bottom like the ears of a basset hound. Both are problematic, but a pair of construction worker boots and a bandana in the back pocket would remedy the whole thing and bring it together. Good luck and happy cruising.
Michelle Freeman: When is it OK to wear a beanie with an outfit and still look fashionable?
Thank you Michelle for your thinly veiled attempt at bringing beanies back to the forefront of popular culture. I’m assuming you work for beanie distributor who’s trying to create a buzz. Well, it’s worked. I’m also assuming you’re referring to propeller beanies as opposed to the non-propeller ones, because otherwise that would be ridiculous. Beanies are a lot like ringer Expo 86 T-shirts. Sure they evoke a sense of nostalgia and irony, but it’s just as likely the wearer will be mistaken for an adult newspaper delivery boy or girl with mental deficiencies. It’s your call. For a safer bet, consider a Cub Scout or Brownies hat.
Joe: I never know what socks to wear with khaki shorts. Do I wear my basic mid crew whites, or do I have to go ankle socks? a 30-year fashion invalid.
First of all Joe, you’re being way too hard on yourself. The quandary of socks and shorts is the fashion equivalent of Israel and Palestine. Just when you think you’ve achieved peace, it all goes down the shitter thanks to a rogue pair of khaki shorts. Mid crew whites are tough, because they automatically give the wearer a sporty look. Depending on your footwear, I would go with the ankle socks. Sure they’re a little emasculating, but the purpose of them is to give the illusion of not wearing socks while at the same time not stinking up your shoes. The key is to tuck them down far enough so they’re not glaringly obvious. I have noticed a few kids rocking the tube sock look and pulling them high up the shin, but this is getting into dangerous Gaza Strip hipster territory. Best leave that region alone for now.
Lexie Brooke: If you want to coordinate with someone for a day (with clothes) is there a subtle way to do it other than wearing the same exact thing?
The easiest way to subtly coordinate your clothes with someone is to date or marry them. It’s called relationship osmosis- unknowingly adopting the tastes, behaviour and appearance of your significant other – and it’s why my mother and stepfather have an unhealthy attraction to denim shirts, fleece jackets and white runners. But if you want to coordinate on a platonic level, I’d suggest matching colours. It doesn’t even have to be a direct match. Perhaps your green hoodie brings out the green of your pal’s plaid tie or your canary yellow Bensimon canvas shoes compliments the yellow of your buddy’s Juicy Chicken T-shirt. Either way, you’ll be the cutest and most annoying couple in the room.