Scurrilous Ephemera Sept 29 2009 – Lady Gaga, Hitler, Serena Williams and Pope Ratzinger
– by Stephanie MacDonald
A bullet-pierced skull fragment long supposed to belong to Hitler is actually from a young female, a DNA test has confirmed. Supposedly, after Hitler and Eva Braun took cyanide, Hitler shot himself, and the pair were unceremoniously cremated by the Red Army outside the bunker where they had been hiding. Then they were buried and then dug up again and in the end mostly lost but for a couple of little pieces. With a celebrated history of pickling tyrants and genocidal maniacs for posterity you’d think the Russians might have done a better job with, like, the most despotic madman of all time, no? Anyways, of course this begs the question: Where is Hitler!?! Omigod, he’s on the loose! Since he’d be celebrating his 120th this year, it’s pretty safe to say he’s mouldering away in obscurity, which the megalomaniac would have hated.
Refreshing honesty: Serena Williams has a boundary-pushing and kind of gross new Tampax ad, where the recently spazzy tennis phenomenon takes on Mother Nature in a match. It’s funny! Though unfortunately it doesn’t include a reference to ramming balls down anyone’s throat, it does include the line, “There’s no bad blood between me and Serena. I mean there’s plenty of blood, but none of it’s bad.”
Disclosure: Lady Gaga is pure Awesomeness. So what if she’d rather cover her face with a red lace curtain than entertain wearing a pair of pants? So what if she may be, possibly, in possession of a male sexual organ? So what if she carries a china tea cup around all the time? Anyhoo, the girl, er – person, can sing, and her music is fun! All the haters should watch this blurry video of a struggling NYU student Stefani Germanotta (guess who?) rocking out with considerable talent and charisma, despite a disobedient guitar player, to an indifferent crowd of frat boys; and most importantly, looking like a normal, cute girl.
Video – Stefani Germanotta (Lady Gaga) at the Bitter End, Los Angeles, Jan 20 2006:
What’s more sinister and vaguely creepy than a spider? Yes, you’re right: Pope Ratzinger. Sorry Catholics, but here’s a remarkably disturbing video of the old Pontiff sermonizing something while a big hairy spider traipses all over him. To his credit, after the incident, the Vatican released a statement saying “The Pope had no problem that the spider wanted to take a walk on him.”
Those irresponsible Chinese have gone and wiped out these excellently weird and enormous Chinese paddlefish that used to live in the Yangtze River. Reaching over seven metres long, they were the largest (and coolest looking) freshwater fish in the world and no one’s seen one since 2003. Way to go China.
And last and undeniably least, Jon Gosselin‘s been dropped from Jon & Kate Plus 8. Yay, Kate and her supreme bitchery have won, and it warms the heart, because if anyone in the world deserves to be a total bitch it’s Kate! This is not the forum for insults and name-calling, but Jon is absurd. Sorry, kids, but your daddy is absurd. There I said it.