Feature:

Sylvan Esso at the Commodore Ballroom

At their sold out show Aug 15 2017. Kirk Chantraine photos.

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Can’t sing, can’t act, can’t dance, but she’ll come to your party – for a price

Heidi Montag-Pratt -

Heidi Montag-Pratt – not just another pretty face at the party.

Scurrilous Ephemera Oct. 21 2009 – Heidi Montag-Pratt’s price for a party. Plus: George Clooney.

– by Stephanie MacDonald

It turns out the hilariously un-talented Heidi Montag-Pratt, who can’t dance, can’t act, can’t not act, can’t sing, can’t look normal and can’t successfully pose for Playboy (hint: you are supposed to be naked and at least clean), can’t even be a dysfunctional family member. Heidi and her exuberantly evil husband, Spencer, refused to attend Heidi’s sister’s birthday party because they were not being paid an appearance fee. Yes, if real life were like that it would be awesome! People would never have to deal with obnoxious relatives, simply pay the ones you like and refrain from lining the pockets of the horrendous husband of your step-sister, or weird racist uncle that you hate anyways. Weirdly, last night on that fake reality show they are all on, Heidi and Spencer staged an intervention for her sister, because they were embarrassed that she did a robot dance at some other party they were all paid to be at, so maybe she is a good sister after all, and it’s just economics.

Aging moms around the world will need a hug today: George Clooney’s Italian girlfriend has been seen sporting a big old diamond ring supposedly given to her by her hunky beau. Buck up ladies! A Valium and an old Sean Connery James Bond film will turn that frown upside down.

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