A Golden Age of Male Chest Hair

The pornily-named Brad Wieners, who is editor of Men’s Journal magazine, has proclaimed that we are now enjoying a golden age in male chest hair. This is great news for a lot of people (because hairy men are cute), and bad news if you just did a 40-Year Old Virgin trip to the spa. Mr. Wieners’ magazine recently featured a shoot of Alec Baldwin with an open collar shirt exposing a bit of a chest rug, and it’s hot. “He’s not Burt Reynolds… but he’s letting you know he’s got a chest,” Wieners explains. Three cheers for bears!

So some cavemen inherited a few billion dollars from a long-lost grandmother. The two brothers were so poor they were living in a cave outside of Budapest and selling scrap metal they salvaged from garbage piles for a living, and they were sad that they couldn’t find wives to take care of them because, well, they lived in a cave and probably smelled like garbage. Fair enough! But now things are different, and my sensitive nose smells not garbage (literally), but a reality-TV show, “Rock of Love”-style (yes, garbage, figuratively, but whatever). The contestants could be Mischa Barton, Lindsay Lohan, Pamela Anderson, Lily Allen and Naomi Campbell, and they would compete for the hand of the world’s newest most eligible bachelors. It’s “The Millionaire Matchmaker” meets Borat meets “Rock of Love Bus” and can’t miss. You’re welcome, Bravo channel.

Hulk Hogan has just proposed to his daughter. Eew, no, that must be his ex-wife, no… it’s something in between – oh yeah, it’s his girlfriend who looks exactly like both of them. Yes, that is still gross.

So now Lindsay is just toying with us. First, hanging out with John Mayer, yuck. Then maybe back with Sam Ronson, yay! Now it looks like she’s been acting gross with Jessica Alba’s husband Cash Warren. NO. What a bad idea. Jessica Alba didn’t earn the endearment “MiserAlba” for nothing. She looks borderline homicidal at the best of times, and now she has a baby and a family to protect, so watch out LiLo. And stop messing around with married men, that is boring. If you’re going to keep our interest you’re going to have to top Casey Johnson (Johnson & Johnson heiress), who broke into her lesbian lover’s house, stole her panties and left an obviously used sex toy waiting on her bedspread for her. Gross! But so depraved and fascinating it’s kind of awesome!

Casey Johnson from Vanity Fair (2006).

Casey Johnson from Vanity Fair (2006).

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