Nellie McKay releases her first album of new material in 13 years

Hey Guys Watch This is the New Yorker’s first album of new original material since 2010.

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Dennis Hopper

On-Set Strife for Mischa

Poor little Mischa Barton. We shall not make fun of her, because we don’t like feeling bad when something unfortunate happens to someone we have mocked recently, and she seems likely to trundle vacantly down this path. Recently she actually had an acting job on some obscure show called Law & Order: SVU, where she played a broken down old prostitute – sad enough if I end right there, but no, we must go on! It took Mischa ten hours to do her single scene which required only seven lines. That is seven lines of dialogue. God only know how many lines of blow it took. So here’s a picture of sad Mischa looking for her lost dignity and maybe her ankles… oops.

Mischa Barton - Loss of Dignity and Ankles?

Mischa Barton - Loss of Dignity and Ankles?

Dennis Hopper Deathbed?

This next story is equally tragic! Beloved icon Dennis Hopper is on his deathbed. Sad enough in itself, but evidently his adult children have forced him to serve his wife with divorce papers so she gets cut out of any inheritance. Well this is what you read, anyways. SE has touched upon the subject of ditsy old men leaving fortunes to slutty young golddiggers before, and our stance is clear: it is lame. But it’s also kind of mean to take advantage of your dying, probably sedated old dad to get back at your stepmum. Related: dying sucks, why do we have to die? Oh God, what is the point of anything?

Nude Celebrities Nude

Anyho, moving on… If you are getting old, and fearing the reaper a little bit, D-List celebrities have some advice for you. Just take off your clothes! Always a trendsetter, Ivana Trump, our favourite classy
socialite, last seen enlightening us on the sophisticated way to treat children on an airplane, is once again leading by example by taking the clothes of her 60-year-old body and having pictures taken of her for
Celebrity Big Brother in the UK. Not linking to the images for obvious reasons. Also hopping on the aging nudist bandwagon is Real Housewife of New York Kelly Bensimon. Yes, she’s the one with “no brawron” and implants that look like they are living out The War of The Roses on her chest. She’ll pose for Playboy to show what “sexy looks like at 41” and will be photographed by her ex-husband, Gilles Bensimon, a famous fashion photographer. So now you can’t get into Playboy unless you are either an animated fictional character or really probably too old to be posing naked anymore, taking up valuable pages where young hotties should have been but are now relegated to prostituting themselves by sleeping with the withered, ridiculous old editor of the magazine as one of a yucky girlfriend posse. This was supposed to be the happy item, what happened!?! Brighter SE’s ahead, promise.

Kelly Bensimon of Real Housewives of New York, Playboy-bound.

Kelly Bensimon of Real Housewives of New York, Playboy-bound.

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